I know! I know I really suck at blogging! I think that if I didn’t write in my journal every week I’d blog more! I think I only blog when I feel like I have something important to say.. And lets be
honest.. That rarely happens! =)
Anywho.. Recent events that have happened have made me take a step back and look at the
bigger picture.. The eternal perspective if you will!
A few weeks ago I was a dinner with a friend (Texas). We were laughing and arguing cuz
that’s what we do, when he paused and looked at me very seriously and said, “Amber, I have
started to feel really guilty about not going to church recently.” I laughed and said, “Yeah I
haven’t been the most dedicated either.. I don’t feel guilty though.” I smiled at him, he was truly
concerned. He asked me, “Why do you think that is? I’ve never felt guilty about this!” I sat back
and giggled a bit more and said “Ya know, if I were the one feeling guilty, I’d be a little
concerned. I would take it as a warning.”
“A warning?” He asked.
“Yeah...” I paused and looked around. “Maybe something is gonna happen. Something ‘faith-
shaking,’ and if you aren’t prepared spiritually, you might not be able to handle what is thrown
“Amber, don’t say that...” He almost yelled. We sat in silence for a few minutes mulling over our
thoughts. Sometimes... I need to take my own advice, I assessed the damage of my recent
activities. Not just my non activity at church, but my lack of studying my scriptures, lack of
praying, and the nonexistence of service. I need to do better I thought.
A few day later, over the weekend I was in Firth. I very unwillingly decided to go to church. I
planned on only going to sacrament meeting and then going home and taking a nap. It was the
first time I’d been to church in.. I have no idea how long.. quite a while.
As always I took my journal to church. The Australian Open (Tennis) had just finished and I was
writing all about it.. (It wasn’t very exciting!) I began writing about Roger Federer. He’s an
incredible tennis player. Arguably the greatest tennis player ever. I wonder if he enjoys smashing peoples hopes and dreams. No one plays like him. He's flawless and unstoppable. He's misleading and conniving, He pushes you to the baseline, makes you rush from one end of the court to the other, makes you miss shots, hit shots into the net, he is a true master of tennis. He makes you lose faith in your ability to play.
As I was writing all of this in my journal, I realized that Roger Federer is very much like Satan.
(Don't get me wrong, I love Federer.. This is just an analogy) That's how Satan is in our lives. He
pushes and pushes until we can't run anymore. He fakes us out, he hits things at us so hard we
don't even see them coming, he’s treacherous, and a master at masking sin. Satan pushes us to
lose faith in our abilities and in who we are.
Three weeks later my life fell apart (for lack of a better term). It hasn’t been as dramatic as it
sounds but it has still been a rough situation. My roommate asked me to move out 2 ½ weeks
earlier than we originally planned. The place I’m supposed to be moving doesn’t become available until April 1st. She asked me to be out March 1st.
I have a very terrible temper... Horrible.. At that time, the best thing for me to do was, walk out
of the situation until I could be in control and be an adult about things. So I walked out the door
and got into my car, and drove.. fast... I called a friend, (a.k.a. Carlos, or Jake, or Jacob) who was
already in bed (it was 10:30 what a wimp). I hung up on him and Jessie called me.. She demanded that I pull over or at least slow down. I yelled at her and considered hanging up on her, when Carlos called back. I informed Jessie that he was calling me and she told me to answer it and go over to his house for a while until I could calm down. I told her no and then answered Carlos’ phone call anyway. With a lot of persuasion I ended up at his house.
I was angry.. livid... murderous... So The next day, I called a close friend of mine and asked for a
priesthood blessing. What an amazing night that was! And what a paradigm shift I had. I was
given such great counsel and was blessed with comfort and calmness.
My favorite thing I was told was, “You have been blessed with great friends, they are here to be a resource for you, use them, and lean on them for support.” I think this is the purpose of my blog.
Texas was feeling guilty about not going to church.. I wasn’t, but he made me think. I wonder
what would have happened if he hadn’t been feeling guilty, or had he not brought it up. He made
me take a step back and look at the decisions I was making, which encouraged me to go to
church that week and that opened my eyes to see how Satan was faking me out, tricking me and
masking my bad decisions.
It’s funny to look over time and see the people who come in and out of your life. I am not a
believer in coincidence. daily I wonder, why(and sometimes how) “Carlos” and I became
friends... what is his role supposed to be in my life and what is mine in his. Karissa, my bestie in
Cali, I hardly function without her. She is a support even though we are a thousand miles apart.
Jessie, I know I can call anytime for any reason and she will give me honesty whether I like it or
not! The Cleverley Clan, Lyssa, Lipgloss, Ky... and SO many others.. They have and continue to
play a significant role in who I am.
I believe there is a purpose for everyone who waltzes into my life. It’s funny, the ones who you think are crazy, end up being some of your closest friends, and those you think are going to stay with you forever, you end up losing touch with or they betray you and turn their back on you. Things never end up the way we plan, they way we think, or they way we hope.. But I think it’s important to look back and remember that there is purpose in why people are apart of our lives, even if it’s just a few moments, a few months, or a millennium, they were put there for a reason, whether for your benefit or theirs...
So let me end with saying I am so grateful for the support system I have in my life.. Some have
come and gone, some are coming and other are going, but I am grateful for love and support that
they give me everyday. Whether I am at my lowest of lows, or my highest of highs they are there enduring and sharing those moments with me!